Don't mess with me today!

As I’m nearing the end of this pregnancy, becoming daily less agile, enthusiastic and patient, I thought it was time to change how things are done around this house.

So for the foreseeable future:

1. All meals to be taken outdoors, where the local wildlife can do the cleaning up. I don’t care if it’s pouring rain, it’s summer and we’re picnicking!
   
2. If it’s on the floor it’s not my problem (crazypixie being the obvious exception to the rule). I cannot reach the floor, and if I could lower myself I’d probably be there for the next three weeks. The contents of the kitchen cupboards that crazypixie empties and all the scattered toys will be left for himself to deal with.
   
3. All wash-up will be left to himself. I’m too big, or else my arms are too short, but I cannot reach the sink!
   
4. No laughing at the pregnant lady. Grunting helps me move, don’t knock it. Also comments on how huge I’ve become are not really appreciated at this stage.
   
5. Friends who call and make cups of tea, entertain crazypixie and wash their cup are welcome. Friends that bring chocolate and cake, change crazypixie’s nappy, and do the wash-up are particularly welcome.
   
6. The pregnant lady is entitled to grumble as much as she wishes, after all there is someone using her bladder as a trampoline and apparently trying to batter it’s way out through her lower back. Just smile sympathetically. Do not attempt to turn it into a joke, make light of it ,or suggest that it’s just for a few more weeks.
   
7. Take a look at me. How could I possibly be in the mood? Don’t even ask.
   
   Right, that should get things running a little more smoothly around here. I’ll just print off a copy and nail it to the drivers door of himself’s car.